The Trash Bag Burden
'Wednesday's child is full of woe....'
I question if foster parents, counselors, social workers, directors of placement agencies, or legislators, are truly aware of the damage inflicted upon a child who is repeatedly moved from one foster home to another. I'm guessing they would say they are; however, the fact that nothing appears to have changed in the 55 years since I was ‘in the system;’ forces me to say they are not being entirely truthful. Or, they slept through a few Child Development classes in college. I remember those classes, and I’m mindful of how a harsh word, a cold indifferent glance, or dehumanizing treatment can have a detrimental effect on a child that may last a lifetime. I guarantee it. I’ve interviewed too many adults who were foster children. They can barely speak on their experiences without ‘tearing-up.’ I teared up just writing this.
I am not saying that every foster child will have memories that will haunt them for the rest of their life. My own life is evidence that the opposite can be true. I will always believe that if my first foster mother hadn’t become gravely ill, I would’ve remained a part of her family forever. However, remaining in one home until they age out of the system is not the common denominator among most of these children. By the time a child is notified of an impending ‘relocation', his or her life history has already been reviewed, the receiving residence approved, transport itinerary settled, and relocation is only hours away. The emotional and psychological well-being of the child is an afterthought at that point; i.e., if it were ever a thought at all!
The child never has time to mentally prepare. They do not receive counseling to help them adjust to the move; nor are they afforded the opportunity to express their feelings. The child’s emotional state is never considered, and it is not unusual for them to only have 10-15 minutes to pack. They are rarely told where they are going, or if they will be attending a new school. Anything left behind in their old school locker, e.g., books, a favorite jacket, a basketball - is forfeited. They are not given a chance to say goodbye to their friends, or favorite teachers. Access to the spaces where they enjoyed hanging-out, will most likely, never be seen again. If they’re older, they may have left a school having participated in extra-curricular activities they may never experience again. If the activity provided a small measure of joy, too bad. In my opinion, moving a child from one home to another is probably the most expeditious thing the Department of Human Services has ever done. Indeed, this activity is carried out with, as the French would say: ‘toute de suite’ efficiency.
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